Updated: Jan 14
Warning!!! The following has a good chance of TMI.
You’ve been warned...
So I’ve been preaching this switch to everyone who will listen. Ditch the Gillette Razor and grab the metal “safety” razor, I keep saying to everyone.... I want to know who named this fucking razor a “Safety Razor” because they need to be shot! This right here in my hand is anything but safe, let me tell you.
In the beginning I was burdened by the decision to make this switch with all the “unknowns” I had floating around in my head. Is it expensive? Where do you buy them? When does the blade wear out? Will I cut off a limb? I’m not even kidding you, these thoughts were real. My anxiety levels were at a 10 for weeks about this switch. Something that seems so simple is going to give me a literal heart attack!
Roughly 3 or 10 months later I made the switch. I put my old plastic razor and unused blades into a ziplock ( I know, fucking hypocrite.🤦♀️) to add to my daughters “one day she will need it drawer”. I started trying to turn my thoughts into positive ones in hopes to one day use this death trap of a razor and be proud of my sustainable approach to 2020.
There it sat, this brand new shiny razor in a recyclable box on the bathroom counter. Then I moved it to the shower still in its box for a few more days. I had even gone into the Fill- Vernon's Refill Store and TOLD the beautiful owner lady that I had successfully USED the razor and everything was still INTACT! 🤦♀️ OMG I just LIED to her FACE about using the razor. Why didn’t I just admit that I was terrified of the fucking razor and let her calmly talk me off the shelf, convincing me that I will survive!? Why did I just LIE to this woman about using the razor?
Anyways, another day or so (*cough or more...) things were getting out of hand so to speak. Unruly actually. It was time to take the leap I had been procrastinating on for months now.
After a little prep talk toke (🚬) I knew I had to just do it.
I fired up the shower and jumped (actually walked) in and gripped this shiny razor in my hand. I looked at it in horor and quickly asked myself if there would be any "how to" videos on Youtube. There had to have been thousands of other sustainability junkies out there that have tried this before me and recorded how not to cut off chunks of your body!?? I'm sure of it! "Ok, Santana....You've got this." I mumbled to myself as I started shaving my right leg. I made sure to start on the shin so not to hit a main artery or vein or something and have blood come splashing out all over my shower. At this point I'm wishing I had smoked more weed so that it would calm my nerves and help my hand to stop shaking. "I am for sure going to cut something off at this rate!" yelling at myself in my head. Finally, leg one is done and I'm feeling slightly less terrified. Also a little shocked that the leg was still attached and thrilled at how baby soft my leg was. On to leg two with slightly more confidence than leg one. A teeny little nick later and pools of sweat pouring off my forehead, oh wait that's just water. Anyways, you get where I'm going with this... North. That's right, it was time to shave the lady bits. This also, may be TMI but you're the one still reading so, there's that. Alright so I look down, way down at what we're working with here. Asses the situation before cutting away at.... Labia... I totally just named her that. #proudlabiamom I have been shaving that area for at least 20 years I'm sure, started with my mom's razor in the tub as a kid. I have never ever grown fond (Pun intended) of a big bush, so there you go I remove it. Anyways, I open Labia up and start very very slowly gracing the tops of the teeny tiny 1/16 of an inch hairs sticking up. Moving my hand very very slowly watching for blood and feeling for any burning sensations. Nothing. Success!!! I was actually sweating at this point though, I know for certain because I was also feeling really dizzy. The job was done, and I had survived.
So here we are post shave and I am thrilled to tell everyone that everything is still intact (I warned you!) No limbs or Labia were lost in the process and in fact, this was probably the BEST shave I have ever had. 🙌🏻💕🪒
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ - 5 Stars Santana Brown.
Armstrong BC January 2020.
Thanks Fill for carrying awesome products that even the most terrified humans can figure out and be turned into believers.
Here's to more sustainable adventures in 2020.